My boyfriend died this morning.
I keep crying in waves. It doesn’t feel real. I’m ready for the hospital to call and say he came back to life. I was supposed to be with him.
This man is my soulmate. There is nobody else like him. He is 28, his birthday is next week. I am 23. We renovated a house together and had primary custody of his 4 year old daughter. My life is completely entangled with his.
Every stupid item in this stupid house is him. It doesn’t feel real and I want to wake up. I will never forget his mom calling us and screaming he was dead. We were gonna start a business together, I wanted to have babies with him. He is the most amazing father, he did everything for her. We haven’t even lived here for a year.
I used to see videos of other people who had lost their partner and simply couldn’t imagine it happening to me and my perfect life. If I would have known when I kissed him goodbye that it would be the end, I would have never let him go.
I was supposed to go but woke up with a stomach bug. I should have powered through it and gone with him. He would still be alive.
This pain is unreal. I simply don’t want exist in a world without him. This world is absolutely hell.