I’m a sandwiched gen who found a little light.
Stop enabling them. Say no. Accept the “unfilial” label and your soul will be freed at least for now. They won’t sit at home and wait for death nor starve themselves.
Me and my siblings are my parents’ retirement plans. They’ve been asking for 10-20% of our future pay since we were in primary school (yeah). They themselves never give money to their parents.
Dad spends more than he earns and has zero in banks. He’s always asking us for loans that he hardly pays back. I was his first choice since I had the softest heart.
I kept giving because I couldn’t say no. Whereas my mum refuses to work and guilt trips me my whole life. She cries lots and lots to relatives and friends about her unfilial children.
Lots of details that I’m leaving out but they’re totally financially irresponsible that I’m flabbergasted how people can live like that.
My future seemed dark in the bottomless pit. One day, I finally stood firm and said no. They both called me useless. It was very hurting. That stab was so deep and I cried hard.
They told me I’ll understand when I become a mother. I don’t. I’ve children now but no, I don’t. I won’t do it to my children. They stopped hounding me because there’s nothing they can do.
The dark clouds lifted and my soul felt free. Being called useless by my parents is the best thing ever, it’s liberating.
I started really living. They’re still surviving. They don’t starve because they’re actually young and able. They still guilt trip me when we meet.
The day will come when they physically cannot work and the medical bills come in. That’s when we will do the piety thing, minimally, for their survival.
Meanwhile, my friend with the same situation is still enabling his parents because he couldn’t say no. He doesn’t dare to find a partner nor start a family.
He’s still waiting for his parents to die. Only then will he be free to live his life. But by then he’ll be 50, alone and with empty pockets. Life’s sad.