I went way too far in a joke over my friend’s dead father.
My friend, I’ll call him John, has a dad who died 6 years ago from brain cancer. He has made jokes about it in the past.
Yesterday, my friends and I made this channel in our discord server for “beef”. Yesterday night I was sarcastically “beefing” with my friends over this discord channel, and John came to mind.
Now John is a very nice, non confrontational, sweet friend, and there was nothing I could think of to joke about.
I thought back to how John had joked about his dad dying, and my fucking dumbass made a joke about HIS DEAD FATHER.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
The call I was in went totally silent. John got totally justifiable upset, on a level I had never seen him before. He kept telling me to “say it again”.
The conversation continued, but it wasn’t the same at all. I was just at total a loss of words at what I had just said and made my friend feel and just sat there in total silence for 5 or 6 minutes, until I managed to squeak out a small, “that’s kinda on me”.
He replied instantly, “no fucking shit it’s on you”, which of course I can’t argue back to. I feel awful. I hope to give John the formal apology the next time I see him.
Just because he made jokes about it, doesn’t mean he wants to hear others do the same thing. Making jokes can be a coping mechanism to help deal with trauma.