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Thursday, February 29, 2024


I can’t stand my autistic brother I won’t disclose much about myself but my older brother is almost 19 years old, and severely autistic.


He’s the middle child out of a lot of other siblings. He can’t talk, only grunts and barely makes out words like “water” “chips” “iPad” and “car”.

And god that iPad. All he does is literally run around the house making the most noise, blowing his snot everywhere and making disgusting sounds with children’s rhymes playing at the loudest volume on his iPad.

I can’t stand the sight of him. I’d walk by his room and he’d for absolutely no reason grab me and punch my back or slap my head with all his strength, and he’s pretty strong considering he’s running 24/7.

He throws the worst tantrums that wakes everybody up at night, throwing himself on the floor, screaming, breaking things, hitting himself, etc.


And he pees everywhere. The house smells like absolute urine now. He does have someone taking care of him but she barely does anything and my mom won’t replace her. Adding to that my mom has the constant need to baby him yet somehow ignore his clearest needs.

He’d throw a tantrum and she’d try to save the day or whatever it is shes trying to do and tries to calm him down which only prompts him to grab her wrist, bruising her, which she gets mad at and hits him back and starts yelling at him which is so stupid because he’s clearly overstimulated and she’s making it worse.

He literally peed on my bed once when i wasn’t home and my mom just denied it, and once one of our maids confirmed that he did she said “so what? It’s your brother. No need to replace anything.”

This part is a little gross so I’m just warning you. The worst part of it all is his private parts. Constantly scratching at it and like playing with it which i know he doesn’t realize he’s doing but it doesn’t make it any less gross.

In the middle of the living room, at that. He sometimes runs out of the shower with nothing on which is not a sight i want to see. He’s a 19 year old man, just to make sure i’m clear here.He pees all over the floor and doesn’t wash his hands. I can’t stand him. Every time i see him it’s like my body just seethes with hatred and I just think about how much of a burden he is.


We can’t go on any trips because i have the same fight with my mom every time. We should go without my brother because he hates the plane ride, runs to the middle of the road if we’re walking on a sidewalk.

And literally the most obvious reason: he’s autistic! He can’t stand change! She literally just brings him to prove a point; he doesn’t enjoy himself, all she wants to do is throw a pity party for herself.

I barely covered everything, but then I would never finish. I know it’s wrong and i’m mad at him for things that are out of his control but it doesn’t make me despise him any less. I hate that I feel like this and it’s horrible that this might make me ableist in a way?

I don’t want to be, but it’s so hard because when I see him it’s like i’m looking at all the germs or bacteria around him like some kind of aura he carries around.

The overstimulation, the fidgeting or stimming i completely don’t mind. It’s really not his fault, it’s the lack of care he gets, but i can’t stop myself from being absolutely disgusted by him.

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