I have been seeing escorts on and off for almost 10 years.
I saw my first escort the day I turned 20 years old. Since that day, I was hooked. I adopted the mindset at a young age that as long as I had the money and felt like spending it, I could bang any girl I wanted.
I didn’t have to deal with the headache of trying to court her and build attraction and chemistry in order to sleep with her.
All I had to do was pay her and she was mine for 30 min-1 hour or more. I stopped seeing escorts completely for a year and a half when I was in a relationship, until we broke up and then I started to see them again.
It turned into seeing them on occasion, maybe 6 months to a year (or more). It wasn’t until last year or so, it started to become a regular thing.
It has slowly progressed into something I did rarely or when I was going through a really bad dry spell, to something I now do on a weekly basis, sometimes multiple times a week.
I know I’m probably not the only guy who has engaged in this kind of stuff but I am very ashamed of myself and I hold a lot of guilt from this.
I just started going to therapy to address a lot of issues, especially this. It has taken a toll on my financial discipline, my relationships, self-esteem, confidence and my ability to interact and connect with women on an emotional and intimate level.
The past few months have been rough and I started realizing why. The more I get myself to go see a prostitute, I end up feeling worse.
At the same time, it’s so hard to stop. It’s a vicious cycle of lust then regret. And it seems to repeat itself. I’m ready to break that cycle though. I want to be able to connect with people’s souls and not their bodies.