I find myself being an unwilling, distant audience to my upstairs neighbours’ intimate life.
They like to get down and dirty every Saturday night and Sunday morning. She is a screamer. The ceiling is thin enough that I can hear them walk from the bedroom to the kitchen.
So the screaming comes through loud and clear. But it sounds fake. It sounds like she learned what orgasms sound like from adult movies and is copying those noises but isn’t actually enjoying herself.
It often sounds painful and semi-violent and scary and like she is masking unhappiness with fake overly happy noises. It’s icky. I feel icky hearing it.
To drown them out I blast two fans on high speed and have a blue noise machine I put right next to my head.
It sort of does the trick but most Saturday nights I end up sleeping on my sofa to get away from them and where their main action is at.
I hate them. I really want to tell them to shut up and pipe down. But I’ve been advised that that would be unbeneficial and rude.
So I guess I’ll just keep trying to blast them out of my brain and keep my distance.
- You need to blast ‘Who let the dogs out?’ on repeat at full volume every-time they screw!
- Record it this weekend, play it back at them full volume when they start next weekend.
- Bang the ceiling with the broom