My wife and I have been together for about 5 years in total. Last year we kind of broke up/separated for about 8 months. She dated someone else, and I had some hookups but nothing serious. We have a daughter together, and she has a son from her previous marriage who calls me dad. Due to the family we had I agreed to give her and I another go.
For sake of the people reading and to make this short, I’ve left out a lot of details. In short, the guy she dated after me, to be honest, was better looking all around. Way taller than me, in way better shape, had a lot of stuff in his life that I don’t amount to.
It was emasculating, to say the least. Like we have been trying 2 months to work things out. At this point, although my insecurities have really gotten to me. Honestly, I don’t wanna do this anymore. I love her more than anything honestly but I don’t know the fact that she went out and got “someone better” just weighs on me too much. Anytime she and I “do it” it makes me feel sick.
Makes me feel insecure and depressed with a lot of bad emotions.
I’ve tried to end it several times in the last 2 months. But she either convinces me to stay, or I have a hard time letting go.
I can be on my own I’m cool with that 100%. Matter of fact it’s better for me, I have a lot of things as a man I need to work on in order to be who I want to be, and the constant bad vibes from this I feel Like is going to hinder my growth.
I just don’t know how to leave her for good. I am going to have to see her every week for the next 15 years. It’s gonna kill me to see her with someone else again, but I just know deep down this is making me miserable.
We do have a great connection when I’m not in my head and thinking about her. But it’s to the point where I’m losing weight and sleep from stress. My OCD that I pretty much put into remission when u was alone is back into full force. Feels like I’m losing myself. Similar to when she left.
I’m looking for any advice. Also it was nice to just vent.
Here is what netizens think:
- The best advice I’ve ever gotten in terms of a relationship is that when you have something and you want to keep it, you try to fix it instead of throwing it away. Has she said anything about the other guy being all around better or is that your anxiety filling your head with these thoughts? If she has, leave. You really need to think about this since you’re in such a position with having a child and all, you could work on yourself while still being in a relationship. Think about what will truly make you happy and go with that decision.
- Maybe it’s time to write out a long calm list of pros and cons of being involved with this person any further. Keep it unemotional. Such as the fact that you enjoy your daughters company. (I assume as much, although you haven’t stated so.)
- I don’t think you should leave a relationship for the reason you gave. That’s self hate/ self sabotage. That low self esteem is coming from inside you, not from her, so it will follow you post break-up. I think you should consider staying with her and working on you simultaneously. Think of that other guy like you would any other previous relationship she had before you ever met her. That relationship ended and then she chose you. You’re obviously pretty damn good in her eyes.