I’m (22M) studying in local uni, brother in NS, sis in Secondary School. Parents’ relationship has always been fluctuating, due to differences in education level, lifestyles, perspectives on: life, family, finances etc.
Past two years, Mom abruptly went cold towards Dad (breadwinner), started to abandon her role has homemaker (cooking, cleaning etc.) and started to work full time herself. She also started sleeping on a mattress outside, with the reason of escaping my Dad’s snoring.
Past six months, her hostility towards my Dad and general disregard for the family grew to become more obvious, she still obviously loves her children but she’s mostly not present at home (either out working or with her friends), and my Dad has to pick up on the homemaking roles (buying food for us, cleaning the house).
Us children chip in to help whenever we can, I’ve recognised a need for myself to step up for the family more and have done so to a reasonable extent (although I admit, not as much as I should’ve).
During this six months, we’ve (children) have noticed some pretty suspicious behaviour from my mother, she would be on a messaging app and then quickly swipe away or lock her phone whenever we walk by, pretend to lie asleep while phone is still in her hand whenever we go to the kitchen at night. But we gave her the benefit of the doubt and just ignored these instances.
On New Year’s Eve, my brother and I decided that we should just address this issue that’s been bothering the family for a year or so. We sat down and had a very emotionally intense conversation with our parents which led to all of us getting very emotional. My Mom admits she no longer has any feelings for our Dad and sees no way of reconnecting with him. They’ve both decided to try and work things out themselves. Mom went back to her room to sleep with Dad and they’re finally having conversations (albeit short, but it’s an upgrade).
I was hopeful that things might take a turn for the better in 2023 but Dad came home today and went off on a slight rant about how Mom still doesn’t care for the family and how he’s “tired”. I don’t blame him, he’s reaching his retirement years and he’s still working his ass off and has no one to alleviate a bulk of his burden.
My sister showed me a picture she took two weeks ago, a shot of my mom’s phone with conversation with various men, with messages like “miss you”, “safe journey home”, and “good morning”.
My worst fears have been grounded in reality.
I guess I don’t really know what to do now, my brother is having field camp now so i cant talk to him and I don’t have anyone else to ask for opinions for or experiences with this situation.
Would appreciate all and any perspectives, help, discussions
Thanks guys