Friends who avoid meetups because they feel less successful
How do you deal with good friends who seemingly interact less and shun group gatherings because they feel behind in their accomplishments or career?
Like they go low key after knowing everyone has progressed in their jobs or salary despite still being very active in their free time and on social media.
Celebrating milestones between friends should not mean others should feel small. What would be a good or diplomatic way to engage them and bring them back in?
- Can try 1-1 meetups with that friend and talk more about topics other than work. Sometimes it can get overwhelming with many people, trading stories of success or things going well. Fewer people helps to keep it grounded.
- Had a friend who was unemployed for years after graduation (He became a neet). He stopped attending meetups and I lost contact with him in the end. Initially when he did turn up he’d say the economy was bad so he couldn’t find work etc…
- Your post raises a number of questions. Does your friend group gathers to brag about accomplishments? The moment a friend withdraws from the group because they feel smaller or less accomplished , is a good moment to analyze the dynamics of the group . As you wisely said, celebrating milestones should not make anyone feel inferior or left out. However , it is good consider that it is not good manners to eat bread in front of the hungry.
- I actually stopped meeting up with my secondary school friends because of an unsuccessful-in-career friend. He had some kind of issue which made him unable to work for 5years, before finally starting work in some handphone cover shop.
The reason I stopped meeting the group is because they insist that we all pay on his behalf. They also made him the organizer for all the outings. Each outing, he’ll select more and more expensive restaurants to meet, and one of us (except him) will foot the bill.
I enjoy meeting my old friends, but meeting them every 3 months in a progressively more and more expensive restaurant was getting stupid. The final straw came when he booked some Michelin star restaurant in MBS on New Year’s Eve. I told him I am not free as I spend NY eve with family one, and he got angry.
- Let me tell you from my perspective as i was exactly the same person you described, well except for the social media part.
The reason why I avoid meet up with groups of my friends was i feel insecure. All of my friends got a stable job after graduation except me. That insecurity slowly aggravate the situation which ultimately made me reluctant to meet them. I only meet them very rarely. Once i got my shit together, i slowly become more available.
In retrospect, i wished some of my friends.. or at least one of them try to talk to me one on one.