Is it really so hard to send a text to tell someone that you are not interested? Why do people choose to ghost the other person when it comes to dating?
While there are decent girls out there who are respectful enough to let me know that they are not interested to meet again after I ask them out again, these girls are few in proportion to the ones who would just ghost. And to make things worse (and I’ve experienced this a number of times before), a good proportion of these girls who ghost, would not just ghost, but they would agree to meet again first (after meeting initially), and then say that they need to check their schedule and that they would get back to me, and then never gets back to me.
It is obvious that there is a decent chance that the girls who did this, were already aware they didn’t want to meet again, but chose to lead the guy on by agreeing to meet, and then ghosting afterwards (Usually they would have a more open schedule before, but then “suddenly” they have to check their schedule etc.). Perhaps because of their selfish reasons of not wanting to face the discomfort of rejecting someone directly, so they chose to lead someone on like that, or to simply ghost.
Even if you initially truly wanted to meet when you agreed to it, but then changed your mind after, shouldn’t you at least have the decency to let the other person know, instead of carrying on the facade of wanting to put in your part of the effort to make the next meetup happen? And then eventually ghosting?
There was one who agreed to meet again (after meeting a few times), but then when trying to set up the time for it, she would always have some kind of reason why she has to delay or reschedule it or any of the like (whereas for previous meetups, she was much more able to find time to meet). And this carried on for some time until I eventually got so turned off by her character, I decided not to see her again.
Some people may say “Omg just take the hint already she doesn’t want to meet you again!”. But how hard is it to communicate that directly, instead of playing around with the guy like this? Am I suppose to assume that every girl who agrees to meet, is basically lying from now on? Am I suppose to assume that every reason a girl gives for needing to reschedule, or for being busy with school/work/whatever, is basically a lie from now on? What if she genuinely wants to meet but is really busy? See what I mean? Clearly, communicating directly that you do not want to meet (again), is the most effective and mature/respectful way.
If guys have to guess around and assume that your “yes means no, and no means yes”, and do guesswork with your hints, then how do you expect anyone to take your words seriously and be able to trust your words?
On top of that, why can’t the girl just send a simple text, “Sorry but I don’t think I want to meet again. I think we’re not compatible, I enjoyed the time together with you though!”, instead of falsely agreeing to meet just to ghost, lying that you would get back to the guy when you know you’re just using it as a means to reject him in an asshole-ish way on your part.
I’ve learnt that some girls do these lying and ghosting acts because there are guys out there who would go crazy and insult the girl after the girl respectfully says no (due to the guys’ huge ego unable to accept rejection), or there could be guys who may do even more crazy things, and this is why some girls do not give a direct rejection, but rather choose to lie and ghost. If the guy showed signs of being a crazy creepy person I get it, it is probably for your safety to ghost.
But what about the majority of guys (I would like to believe it’s the majority, correct me if I’m wrong) out there who are actually decent human beings, and showed no signs of being some crazy person (the meetups were fun, or even if not fun, at least it was a normal one)? Do they deserve to get dicked around by a girl like this? Couldn’t you at least reject someone directly and respectfully, then if the guy turns out to start insulting you afterwards, you block him?
If a girl rejects me directly, I can at least respectfully acknowledge it, wish her well, and move on. It saves us both time, and allows the rejected person to move on without being led on.
For the decent girls out there who are shocked by this, yes, girls like this exists out there. I’m sure that many guys experienced this at some point in their lives before too. Also, I’m not saying that only girls are capable of being assholes by leading people on and ghosting like this, I’m sure there are asshole guys out there too. But as a guy myself, it is far from uncommon to come across girls like this. And the girls who do this are also not what you may be picturing in your head, you may think that these must be some girls who carry themselves without much respect for others, who carry themselves wildly and behave obnoxiously. But no, from my experience, the type of girls who do this are as common as the common girl you see in Singapore.