Struggle talking to girls
24 year old guy who consistently finds it challenging to approach girls I’m interested in. I’m an introvert and tend not to socialize with anyone especially in my work office & church.
On the flip side, when I’m with my friends, I’ve been told I can be the life of the party, and some people have rated me as a 7/10 or 8/10 in terms of looks & body shape (not caifan auntie).
However, I’ve had an ongoing issue since secondary school where I struggle to communicate with girls I’m attracted to.
Currently, I’m interested in one of my colleagues at work (i am in a contract position and have plans to leave) who i really like a lot.
She often starts conversations by saying hi and asking questions, but my responses are usually limited to one-word replies and unrelated comments, which tends to kill the conversation and make me nervous. I WFH most of the time so our last convo was like a month+ ago.
This has been a persistent problem for nearly a decade, and I’m worried it might negatively impact my love life. I’m a date to marry person where I have numerous ideas about how to cherish and treat my future girlfriend.
However, I struggle with taking the initial step to express my interest as my anxiety skyrockets & blushed when I’m around a girl I particularly like which would make the girl think i am disinterested lol.
Wondering what steps i can take to remove this mental block? 🙁
Netizens’ comments
- What you need is a conversation starter, a kick and an exit plan.
Find some reason to do something out of the blue for her and from there you can gauge her response. Whether she reciprocate or not, and if all else fail you have an exit plan that doesn’t make the situation anymore awkward.
To illustrate: The starter: Buy a cup of bubble tea for her. The kick: she help you in a previous scenario. Exit plan: it’s just a cup of bubble tea. It’s no big deal.
Rinse and repeat. With a post-it-note. A lunch meal. A dinner. A movie etc - When making small talk, I read somewhere to use OCAP,
Observation – Notice something about the person. Hair style change? Sent out a certain email? Saw their work?
Comment – Make a comment about your observation. Can be a compliment. Can be a question.
Assumption – Make a small assumption about your observation.
Projection – Based on your assumption, suggest something, ask something. Make sure it’s open ended.
Actual example I use: Met Colleague at pantry, she wore sneakers instead of heels.
Me: Hey. Nice shoes. Very white sia. (Observe)
Her: Oh, ya. Thanks.
Me: How’d you keep them so white? My white sneakers less than 1 week brown liao. (Comment)
Her: Oh no la. I seldom wear. That’s why can maintain haha
Me: Nice. You wear them today, going somewhere later after work? (Assume)
Her: Oh ya. I trying out this Pilates class my friend intro me. At Bugis area. You try Pilates before?
Me: Nope. What’s it about. Is it something like yoga or what, stretch stretch type. I did yoga a few times , quite shaggg. Pose here, pose there. What makes you like Pilates? (Projection)
Her: ya ya. Something like Yoga. That’s why I don’t mind going. Actually difference between Yoga and Pilates [she goes on and on about her hobbies]
Me : (nods along and continue prompting her for her to talk more)
Me (when times up): Wa sounds interesting. When got chance I don’t mind try. Anyways have fun later! Let me know how it goes.
Of course the next time you see her, you ask about how was it. Then ask why she like. Why she don’t like etc. Don’t have to follow exact OCAP. Trick is to ask open ended questions, and let them talk about 70% of the time. So you don’t have to talk much.