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Thursday, December 8, 2022
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GUY SLEPT WITH GF FOR 2 MONTHS, FOUND OUT SHE HAD HERPES FOR 10 YEARS

My GF just told me about an STD

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My gf and I have had unprotected intercourse for about 2 months now and she just told me she’s had herpes for about 10 years. She currently does not have an outbreak, and says she has somewhat managed it.

Do I have a right to be worried and consider my options? I feel like a lot of the advice here would support me staying with her, but this is something I’ve always feared and stayed far from.

Im not promiscuous, and I’ve actually tried hard not to get this. I get it, I should have worn protection. So I’m not here to be scolded or reminded.

Just wondering if it’s reasonable that I’m considering leaving. Lots of worried thoughts about this right now. Is there any way I can get tested if there is no outbreak?

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Netizen’s comments

Okay, so two separate issues here – trust, and risk.

I’ve had genital herpes type 2 for almost 20 years, and always advocate for people telling before sex happens. There are loads of people who say they don’t unless a relationship gets serious, but that’s illogical, because if it’s serious, there’s trust.

She should have told you, and I’m sorry she didn’t. You have an absolute right to be angry and upset. She doesn’t get to make the unilateral decision about your health and your body.

Your risk is probably lower than you think it is, if that helps ease your fears. If you are male, and all you do is avoid sex when she has symptoms, there is a 4% chance that you could get this a year, if you have sex 2-3x a week.

I don’t know what “somewhat manages” mean – that’s really vague. Is she on daily suppressive therapy with antivirals? Did you use condoms?

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I will say that not only promiscuous people get this, so you should be asking all your partners to test before sex if STIs are a big fear of yours.

You can get a blood test now – make sure it’s a type specific IgG blood test. It can take up to 3 months to show positive, because it looks for antibodies, and those can take time to develop. 70% test positive by 6 weeks.

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