I don’t know if I’m overreacting or what, but I just need to rant somewhere because I’m damn confused.
So recently I’ve been running a lot. Like almost every day after work. Around my estate, sometimes at the park connector. At first it was just to keep fit because I felt I was putting on weight. Office job, sit whole day, then go home eat dinner, scroll phone, sleep. Standard Singapore lifestyle right. I told myself cannot like that already. I’m still young.
But after a few weeks, I started to lose weight quite fast.
My arms slimmer, face sharper, waist smaller. I was quite happy actually. I felt lighter, more confident wearing my clothes. Even my jeans felt looser. For once I didn’t feel bloated all the time.
Then one day my boyfriend suddenly said, “You don’t need to run so much already.” I thought he just concerned I too tired. But then he added, “Later you run until your breast disappear then how?”
I laughed at first because I thought he joking. But he wasn’t really joking. He kept saying I’m getting “too skinny” and that I should stop pushing myself. He even said he prefers me with “more shape”.
I don’t know why but that comment stuck in my head.
Like, is he worried about my health, or is he just worried about my body changing in a way he doesn’t like? Because when I say I feel good and I like how I look now, he will just say, “Ya but don’t overdo it.”
I’m not starving myself or anything. I still eat properly, just more mindful. I’m not trying to look like some influencer. I just don’t want to feel heavy and sluggish anymore.
Now every time I go for a run, I keep thinking about what he said. I even caught myself checking in the mirror and wondering if I really became “too flat”. Which is so stupid because I was feeling so proud of my progress before that.
I don’t think he meant to hurt me. But it made me feel like my body is not really mine. Like it must meet some expectation. If I gain weight, people comment. If I lose weight, also comment. So what is the correct setting?
I told him straight that I run for myself, not to please anyone. He said he understands, but he still keeps hinting I should “slow down”. Honestly, it’s making me irritated.
Is it normal for guys to say things like this? Am I being too sensitive? I just want to feel strong and confident in my own skin. Why must it become about whether something “disappear” or not?
I don’t want to fight over this. But I also don’t want to shrink myself just because someone is more comfortable with the old version of me.
If anyone been through similar before, how you handle it? Do I ignore and just continue doing my thing? Or am I really pushing it too far without realising?
I swear being a girl in Singapore sometimes very tiring. Always someone got opinion about your body.