It took me (22M) a long time to come to terms with this but I have a very strong mommy issues. (TL;DR I grew up with an emotionally absent mother and today I am turned on by women who treat me badly. Yes I am currently in therapy.)
My GF (27F) and I have been together for seven months. Initially I was too nervous and ashamed to tell her about my turn ons. At the same time neglecting my desires left me unfulfilled. However I started to trust her more as we continued to experiment and explore in the bedroom.
A couple months into our relationship I explained it to her and we incorporated it into our bedroom activities. For the first time I truly ‘let go’ and let my guard down.
Like I said…I deeply trusted her. But after a while her (female) friends started to make odd comments and jokes. It was clear to me that they knew more about my relationship than they let on. But I was in denial mode.
At first I just ignored them. However one evening we went out and one of her friends got drunk. This friend jokingly said that she still doesn’t understand how a “big, tough guy” like me has mommy issues. (Btw at the time my GF was swimming and wasn’t made aware of the incident til later).
To say I was shocked is an understatement. This information was clearly supposed to be kept secret as the girls told her to shut up and apologized to me. I just denied it and decided to go home early.
Later on I received a text from another friend of hers who tried to reassure me but it just made everything worse.
I cannot describe the level of betrayal/embarrassment I feel. I don’t understand why she told them about our bedroom activities in the first place.
I don’t know how many of her friends know. We had plenty of arguments and she said that I have nothing to worry about as her friends aren’t judgmental anyway.
I told her that she humiliated me by breaching my trust and therefore cannot trust her again. She claims that I just need to “relax” and realize that I’m overreacting to the whole situation. She even said that I’m being dramatic for being angry as her friends think my kink is “cute” anyway.
Any useful advice? I love her and she’s not perfect but Im not sure I can eve trust her again.