Hello I (25f) need some advice here. I’ve been with my current boyfriend(22m) for about a year now. At the start of the relationship, he would shower me with gifts all the time with lots of sweet talking. I’m not a person who prefers a younger male as a partner, in fact it just never crossed my mind in the past that I would ever date a younger guy. But he was different, he seemed so mature and compromising at that point of time, I felt like a princess with him. But everything went down after the honeymoon period.
At that point we’ve actually moved out to stay together. We started arguing over the smallest things every other day and it mostly starts from him shouting and scolding me when something I do doesn’t please his liking.
Many of his and my friends have all pointed out that the way he speaks to me is rather rude and that’s just not how you should be with your girlfriend. I agreed, but I was okay with it as that was just the way he spoke to everyone around tbh.
But the arguments only got worst, with me bursting into tears in the process of it. I was never an emotional person in the past, neither did I used to cry this often.
I realized that as time has gone by, I’ve started being more and more submissive towards him and getting more and more emotional each time.
My friends had suggested that maybe moving in together so early into the relationship wasn’t a good idea, and so I suggested that I’ll move back to my family home and we can meet 3-4 times a week. But of course he didn’t allow it.
The relationship has started to pull my self esteem down, I no longer feel pretty infront of him, instead I feel like I’m a daughter controlled by an abusive father and he no longer treats me like a princess like before.
Going out was no longer fun as many times he has suggested to go dutch or let me treat him instead. When I voiced out my disapprove, he would get upset and say something along the lines of ‘ I’ve spent so much on you in the past, so why can’t you just treat me once?’
Recently the scoldings and shouting has gotten worst as well, he’s even starting to throw stuff around the room during our arguments and it’s really taking a toll on my mental health. I’m feeling more and more depressed each day. I’ve already suggested breaking up a few times, but he wouldn’t let me leave. And it always ends with him begging me to stay and telling me he would change and to forgive him. I gave him a ‘ last’ chance everytime but the change never happened.
I really love him and don’t wanna leave him either, I thought threatening him with breakup would help him make up his mind. But it’s already been almost a year, it’s our 11th month next week…. Still no change….
I want to think that maybe it’s because he’s still rather young and needs time to grow before he becomes more gentlemen-like but at the same time, what if he doesn’t change even after 2-3 years? I wouldn’t want to waste the rest of my youth grooming him just for it to fail and end in a break up.
Please give me some advices how I can salvage this relationship.