My friends and family keep asking me why, at 33, I don’t ever date and havent even tried. It’s because my D doesn’t work. It never has.
Thats really all there is to it. My D simply refuses to work. I can jerk off just fine. But with a woman I have never been able to come. Over time that escalated into not being able to stay hard, and then it became not even being able to get hard.
I’m not unhealthy. I’m not obese. I don’t have health issues.
What I do have is a crippling addiction to adult videos and self pleasuring. But I want to be able to have intercourse. I want to be able to have a proper life. But I just can’t.
I remember getting my first bj at 16. I could barely feel anything. She went down on me for a good 5 minutes and.. nothing. Not even close. At 16 years old. I’ve been addicted to adult videos and self pleasuring since I was a teenager.
When all my friends are having their first bedroom experiences with no problem, I’m having erectile dysfunction with my then-girlfriend. I stayed with her for a year and a half. In that time she must have gone down on me 300 times and not once did I ever finish. We had intercourse too. Same thing – could barely feel anything and I obviously didn’t come. We broke up over this and I understand her position completely and hold no bitterness towards her for that decision.
I tried with maybe 10 women and every single time ended the same – with my flaccid D in my hand while a beautiful woman is disappointed as I lay there embarrassed and wanting to jump off the nearest bridge.
I’ve had to turn down a lot of women and make up reasons as to why, when the real answer is “I’m so attracted to you and I’ve love to pursue this, but I am not physically capable of sleeping with you”.
I’ve never been in an adult relationship. I’ve never been on a first date because I figure there’s no point since it can’t lead anywhere.
Eventually I stopped trying. I gave up. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be alone.
I’m miserable. I’m devastated that this is my life. I’m so tired of being alone.