My [26M] fiancée [25F] doesn’t want to contribute financially anymore after our engagement
We’ve met in college 7 years ago. When we first started going out to dates she would reject my attempt to pay the bills in full and insist we should split or each pays for what he ordered. I wasn’t expecting that because in Morocco it’s usually the guys who pay for the dates but since she insisted I said okay.
She would do it for regular dates (restaurant, coffeeshop, parks…) and also when we started going out for vacations. For example if she didn’t have money with her and I paid for something no matter how cheap it is she would give that amount when we next met.
Last summer we were on a vacation and in the last day of the vacation I had to cancel the flights because of an expected family business in the city we were visiting. We stayed for 3 more days and I’ve paid for both our hotel rooms and new plane tickets. Next time we met she gives me the money for the plane ticket and her hotel room but I refused to take them since it was because of me that we had to stay for more days than planned. But still she didn’t accept my refusal and I insisted that I take the money.
Even when talking about scenarios in the future she would still split the costs. When we were in a retail store and we saw a refrigerator, washing machine, dishwasher pack and we agreed that it was a good deal she says “And it’s only cost 13000 each!!!” (the total price was 26000). Also, when talking about our future kids and discussing names and how are we going to raise them, when we started talking about schools she says “I know a school close to work. I’ve heard it’s good and it’s only 2000 per month so it’s 1000 each, and that includes the bus and lunch fees”
We got engaged last December and have the wedding in the summer. In the last two months we’ve started shopping for furniture and appliances for the apartment and I’ve noticed that she expects me to pay a much higher percentage than her in pretty much everything. She even refuses to pay anything for the TV because she doesn’t watch it.
Whenever I try to bring the subject up she ignores me or get defensive/dismissive whether by pretending she is tired, changing the subject, busy by work or trying to sweet talk me. We’ve had some pretty heated argument over the years but we could always sit and talk face-to-face and try to tackle the problems as a team, something that she can’t do when I bring this subject.
It’s not like she is struggling financially. She has a well paying job and she doesn’t provide for her parents (nor do they need her too) and she still buys very expressive stuff. Paying her share wouldn’t even affect her financially or downgrade her lifestyle.
I don’t have any problem to be the sole financial provider in our relationship but this sudden 180 degree change is something that I can’t understand especially coming from someone with her principles.
I’ve told my best friend about this and he says that I should cancel the wedding and run as far as possible from her because if she changed this much after the engagement who can say how much she’ll change after the wedding.
I don’t what to do or how to approach this any differently than what I tried by talking to her and at this point I don’t even know if I am with the same person I’ve been with all this time.