My girlfriend is traumatised from giving me a hj. Any advice on how to help her?
I invited my girlfriend over to my house to casually hang out. In little to no time we were making out on my bed and she gave me a jerking me off (first time for the both of us).
During the whole ordeal she was really turned on and took the initiative more than once. As soon as we finished though she started crying.
I tried to stay beside her as much as I could and she told me that she feels “filthy” and “not pure anymore” and that she doesnt know whether she will ever see me with the same eyes and like me the same way again.
We had already talked a little about this stuff and she had repeatedly told me she wasnt ready for anything but in the heat of the moment we got carried away (both of us agree on this).
Right now she is very insecure whether we should continue to stay together and I’m desperately trying to help her in this difficult phase and convince her to stay.
In the meantime we have decided to restrain from anything physically intimate but I still feel that she is suffering and that sometimes she thinks about ending the relationship.
I am not aware of any past trauma. What can I do to make her feel better?
It seems likely there are two things at play here: First, she is somewhere between concerned and upset about things getting carried away. Not so much that there is anything terrible about what happened, but more in a sense of what could happen and the potential consequences.
In short, it is possible she shocked herself with the discovery of how easy it is to get carried away in these matters! Second, it is still possible, even likely, that she has some socialization around “good girls,” or something like that, and is feeling she overstepped some boundaries.
Both of these are obviously related, and deal with how powerful desire can be. When we are inexperienced with dealing with it, it can be overwhelming. And it is possible this caught her off guard, and now you’re both dealing with the fallout/what happens now part of things.
So, if that is correct, what happens now? intimacy has a major element of communication required! This can definitely be a major tripping point when lacking experience. It sounds like you are talking about things, though ultimately, moving forward is likely to require some introspection on her part, and sharing – both in regard to what went on with her, and potentially getting back on the same page.
There is nothing wrong, or filthy about a hand job. Sure, there are times and places where it isn’t appropriate, but it doesn’t sound like that was the case here. It is definitely a good place to start exploring too.
Lastly, you don’t mention your ages, but even if you’ve both waited quite awhile, there is alway the possibility that once everything came into view in hindsight, she suddenly felt like she wasn’t ready for things to go as far as they went.
In which case, even though such explorations are a good place to start, they will be too much until she feels ready.