My EX [25F] left me after a cancer diagnosis 3y ago and wants to be involved in my life and friends again [27M]. I am very conflicted and not sure what to do?
TDLR:My ex left me after a cancer diagnosis 3 years ago and shortly after my friend died. Was one of the worst periods of my life and I was deeply hurt by some of her actions post-breakup.
She went on to brag about how leaving me was good and she’s enjoying her sl-t phase. She also slept with my former best friend whom she knew really did some hurtful things to me in my past. My life has gotten WAY better since and now she’s reached out because she wants to be involved in my life again.
I met my ex almost 7y ago and we started casually seeing each other around 2018. Our relationship was very chaotic and unhealthy in the beginning for reasons that I do not wish to disclose, but I was at fault.
I hurt her really bad and we ended up ruining our friendship. We stopped talking for a period of time and then I finally reached out after almost a year realizing that I missed what we had. She was reluctant, but we gave it a go
.Our relationship for that period was fulfilling and I was very much in love with her. It felt safe and loving however I wasn’t very sure how realistic things were.
We got back together right before the pandemic started so there wasn’t a whole lot for us to do except spend time together. My ex was struggling a bit with some life choices and what to do next.
Her family as well was going through a very difficult period with her parents splitting and her dad moving abroad for work.
Her relationship with her mother is not great either. She wasn’t in school and was unsure of her career path. I on the other hand was doing my degree. I was also in the school’s sports team.
I never brought this up to her or made her less and I always actively encourage her to go back to school which she did. I love her very much and cared about her a lot because she made me feel safe and loved.
In July 2020, I started having some symptoms around my groin during training after a bad session and went in for an MRI. It was determined that I had torn my groin so I went in for an operation shortly after.
Before the OR, my doctor did some blood work that came back very skeptical and during the OR they found a tumour in my groin. It was cancerous, but they caught it very early on so the prognosis was okay.
However, the treatment was not good. I couldn’t train anymore and was only working and doing my classes online.
3 weeks after the surgery and after introducing me to her family, my ex comes to my place and breaks up with me saying the spark is gone. She doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to work on this.
I absolutely broke down mentally and was crushed.
She went on to move on within a couple of hours when my friend found her Tinder and I was devastated. To make things much more difficult, a week later, my best friend from childhood dies in his sleep.
I told her we could evaluate things after a month, but I was so crushed/hurt that I ended up cutting all ties.The next few months were mentally the darkest period of my life.
Eventually, I was cleared to start training again and was doing classes online due to the pandemic, but mentally I was f-ed up. A lot of therapy, crying and mental breakdowns. I moved on with someone else, but that relationship ended shortly because it wasn’t fair for her to be put through what I was going through.
During this time, my ex was bragging to our mutual friends about how she was really enjoying her sl-t phase and that she was happy she left me. She also went and slept with my former best friend who she knew hurt me very much in my past and I found out about it which crushed me.
Coupled with her ‘accidentally’ running into me at some of the spots I frequent, I was very angry & upset.
Since then I graduated with two degrees and started a really good job. I healed a lot through therapy and working on myself and even got go to qualify for a major sporting event.
Lo and behold while all of this is happening, she decides to reach recently and tells me how proud she is of me and then asked if we could talk & have coffee.
That she misses our friendship and wants to be involved in my life. Prior to this, she was going around and telling my mutual friends that she was having second thoughts and was thinking of reaching out to talk to me. This is all while she’s in a relationship with someone else and I find that downright disrespectful.
My mind is telling me to call her out and tell her to leave me alone, but my heart feels another way. I know she hurt me a lot, but I loved her a lot. I do not know what to do