I have a close friend, a 36-year-old woman, who was recently physically assaulted by her ex-boyfriend, a 37-year-old man currently working for a non-profit organization (trade Association) linked to the airline industry. I felt that I would like to raise awareness about him after hearing the stories from her regarding a series of troubling incidents.
They were in a relationship for just over a year and lived together for much of that time. In front of our mutual friends, he often projected charm and maintained a carefully curated persona of kindness and gentleness. However, behind closed doors, he had a habit of concealing their relationship from others, a behavior she never fully understood. He making the girl fall that his relationships with women often seemed transactional, revolving around money and S-favors. She was in love with him at the time and failed to see the red flags.
After their relationship ended, she continued living in his house based on a mutual arrangement and agreement, even though there were times when he had sudden outbursts, demanding or implying that she should move out. She could only swallow her pride and plead with him to let her stay. The primary reason she remained was that she had nowhere else to go while waiting to secure a BTO flat. Her parents’ and relatives’ homes did not have available space, and as a divorcee, she had previously relinquished her share of a BTO flat to her ex-husband. Although she considered renting a place elsewhere, she ultimately chose to remain in the house because it was familiar and comfortable.
At one point, she discovered that he had often visited KTV lounges with his colleagues and friends, where he engaged in one-night stands. Fearing that he might contract sexually transmitted infections from S-workers which potentially putting her or even his daughter at risk. she made the unwise decision to offer him a no-strings-attached relationship, which he did not reject. Despite everything, she ultimately made the mistake of becoming intimate with him again.
The final breaking point occurred when he became physically violent during an argument. It began with a forceful slap across her face, causing her right arm to jerk violently. He used his elbow to strike her throat in a choking motion, which caused breathlessness. With little physical strength to defend herself, she tried to bite him to stop the attack. He pushed her hard, causing her to fall to the floor. The pain from the assault was intense and deeply shocking. That night, she experienced breathing difficulties and had to seek treatment from a Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner the following day for the pain in her arm.
This traumatic experience has left deep emotional scars and significantly impacted her mental well-being. Since then, she have had to rely on calming medication just to manage anxiety and sleep at night.
A few days after the assault, her ex-boyfriend demanded that she move out of his house—despite her having paid rent—effectively leaving her homeless. He claimed he was “afraid” she might attack him. The idea that a grown man who had left her bruised and breathless could twist the narrative to cast himself as the victim wasn’t just absurd; it was infuriating.
By sharing her story, I hope to raise awareness and caution others—particularly women—about this man and the kind of behavior that can be hidden behind a charming facade.