My (30F) husband (30M) of 7 years is really angry that I refuse to quit my job to become a stay at home wife/girlfriend. Not sure what to do
I love my husband and he’s an amazing man, but we have flaws like everyone else.
We were both 18 when we met. He made it clear he liked me, but I was truly petrified of men at that point in my life due to past experiences and rejected him a bit harshly. I reached out to apologize and we became friends, then a year or two later I saw he posted he on snapchat, I asked if he would want to go on a date so I could practice being comfortable around guys and he agreed.
He never made a move, never touched me, never made weird eye contact. If I said no he didn’t ask a second time, not even as a suggestion. We went on these platonic dates for months with nothing happening, and one day I asked for a hug and then asked for a kiss and he asked me to be his girlfriend. We got married a year after and our 7 year anniversary is around the corner.
We agreed we would not even think about having kids until we were older since both of us were the product of young parents. We’ve really just only focused on getting by on using as little money as possible and saving up every dime to buy a house.
Thankfully, we got our house a few months ago and we were both able to quit our 2nd jobs and for the first time only work regular 9-5s. Yay!!
We have been discussing adding to our family by having a baby and I feel very ready to be a mom. Scared still, yes, but ready. But my husband brought up how sad I would be if I had t quit since I’ve worked so hard.
I told him I had zero plans to quit, I would only take maternity leave. Plus my company allows maternal and paternal remote options for 1 year after birth, so I can just work from home if needed. I know its a lot to do with a newborn but giving up the security of my paycheck is simply not an option.
He told me this was what we worked for, to make our own perfect family opposite from what ours were like and I was blindsiding him by changing my plans and I told him no plan has changed, I can have a career and be a mom. Plenty of women do it. He doesn’t have to quit his job to be a dad so why should I?
He said it wouldn’t work for a babies needs and I told him ok, since I make more money than you do why don’t you quit and I go back to work remotely after healing from birth. That way we have both hands on deck and we don’t have a severe loss of income as I make $89k/yr and he makes $52k/yr.
He mentioned that if I trusted him fully this shouldn’t be a problem. I told him I trust him but I don’t trust our current economy, but I left out that I really do genuinely think quitting my job with no savings (wiped out by getting the house) and relying on a man is absolutely stupid.
He had plans made previously with his parents and had to leave so we said we would pick the conversation back up when he gets home but he’s very very upset. Madder than I have ever seen him and I don’t understand why he just assumed I would quit? Not only do I not understand it, but it makes me trust him a lot less than I did yesterday. I have a bad habit of running for the hills when problems come up and not gonna lie, this is making me really nervous.
Thank you for reading all of this if you have! I’m open ears to what could be going through his mind or why he is thinking like this, really just doesn’t seem logical to me. He’s been watching all of these videos of stay home wives/girlfriends an di feel like this is influencing him a lot.