Feeling jealous over SO’s career
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SO of 2 years recently started a new role with a pay of around 7k. Although I was really happy for him, and for us, can’t help but feel this tinge of jealousy when he innocently shares about how great the role /company / pay is.
Hearing about his job triggers this sense of discontent about my current situation and makes me feel like I’m underpaid, although I know perfectly well we’re in different industries and his tends to pay higher (around ~60% more).
Any advice on how to not feel jealous about SO’s higher pay / “better” career? I want to be genuinely happy for him. I know I should be seeing us as a team instead of him being a competitor. please help!
Netizens’ comments
- Sharing this as someone coming from the opposite POV (your SO’s).
Recently landed a new job that bumped me from a difference of $1K from my partner to ~$5K. When my SO heard the news, her first reaction was joy for me that turned to exactly what you felt – jealously, discontent and sadness, despite us being in totally different industries.
We had a long chat about what this meant for us moving forward, and dug deeper into our feelings about it. What came out from it were exactly what the others mentioned – we’re in this as a team, together. Its not about me VS you, but more about US VS others. Along the way, also figuring out why does this bother her – for us, it was ego and insecurity – and so, this unfortunately meant swallowing our ego at times and working on ways we can contribute otherwise and open better communication.
We worked out an agreement that money should not be an issue between us, and not assign the value of our contribution based on monetary terms. If I was to pay more monetarily for things (more spare income) – so be it, she can make up for it in other ways and not let it be an equal measure of our contribution to the relationship. - You’ll have to be an adult and look at it from the correct, mature perspective. Your partner is not a peer or rival per se, but someone who will be partnering you in financial decisions in the long run. Do you know how many people have to tank the family finances on their spouses’ behalf? Look at it as a win for you both as a couple, not just for him alone. And don’t forget to celebrate the new job together with him, not just be happy for him.