Throwaway account because my main account has too many friends following and I really don’t know who else to turn to right now. My mind is completely spiraling and I’m typing this while shaking in the living room.
A bit of context: my husband (31M) and I (29F) have been married for three years. We got our BTO in Dawson about two years ago, both working full-time. He’s in consulting, so he always claims his work is super high-stress and demanding. For the past six to eight months, our intimate life has been essentially zero. Every single time I try to initiate or even suggest spending a quiet weekend together, he gives me the exact same story: “I very tired lah,” “Work project deadline coming,” “I got no energy, can we don’t force it?”
I was sympathetic initially because I know Singapore work culture can be brutal. I cooked for him, did most of the housework, gave him space, and tried not to add to his stress. When he told me every Saturday that he had to go down to the CBD office or meet clients around Orchard for “urgent weekend syncs,” I believed him completely without second-guessing.
Fast forward to yesterday afternoon. He went out to buy lunch, and I was clearing out his work briefcase to throw away some old trash because it was bursting at the seams. Hidden inside an inner zipped compartment, I found a small stack of physical receipts from two specific hotels near Orchard Road (one near Somerset, one near Cuscaden).
When I looked closer at the dates, they were literally almost every Saturday afternoon for the past two months. Standard check-in times around 1:00 PM and check-out around 6:00 PM or 7:00 PM. The total bill amounts show short-stay room bookings with extra charges for lounge access and room service drinks.
I sat on the floor feeling completely numb. He told me he was stuck in client meetings or working alone at a café, but he was actually checking into Orchard hotels every weekend.
I haven’t confronted him yet because he came home, ate, and went straight to the bedroom saying he needs to rest. I put the receipts back exactly where they were so he doesn’t suspect anything yet.
Now I don’t know what my next step should be:
- Do I hire a private investigator first to get concrete evidence before bringing it up?
- Should I just wait till next Saturday, check his live location, or confront him directly with the receipts in hand?
- What happens to our BTO flat and joint accounts if this goes straight to divorce? We haven’t even hit our 5-year MOP yet, and I don’t know how HDB handles this.
I feel so stupid for believing him all these months while he was using “work stress” as an excuse. Any advice or lawyer recommendations from anyone here would mean the world to me. Thanks in advance,