Is it okay that I’ve started turning down my husband within marriage?
My husband has a lot of good qualities but being attentive in bed is not one of them. He doesn’t do any warm up straight away get into action and forever only one posture.
I do all the work and usually try to get it over with as soon as possible, but of course his preference is a long drawn out session completely focused on himself. But it literally takes seconds for him and the game is over.
I have had at least 20 “talks” with him about this, where he gets uncomfortable and says “I’m sorry I’m such a failure” and starts pouting.
I had to teach him what to do from pre-game to the actual thing to everything.
Not romantic at all (I would adore some romance but that’s asking too much) but I thought it might help. I included tips about hygiene too.
But still, he doesn’t seem interested in me getting Song at all. It’s hard for me to get my engine running because he’s not trying at all and only wants it to be about himself.
I’ve started turning him down. We don’t do it very frequently as it is, but it will be borderline nonexistent now if I keep saying no. Positive reinforcement would work if he actually TRIED but he doesn’t try so there’s nothing to reinforce.
I feel like saying “no” is saying “I don’t like the way you treat me so you aren’t getting rewarded for no effort” . Thoughts? Is this toxic of me? Is he right and he just needs more oral?