My (33F) husband (33M) received $50k from his father for our new house but did not use it for the intended purpose.
We have been married for 2 years and recently moved into our new home, which we spent around $100k for renovations.
When we got married, we received around $30k cash as wedding gift from family and relatives (majority of which is from my side). We used this amount to offset our renovation. The remaining cost of $70k was split equally between both of us.
Recently, he let it slip that he had received $50k from his father for our house. Granted, about a year ago, he did mention before that his father was intending to give us the $50k. But I questioned him that since he had already received the $50k before we split the remaining $70k reno cost, why didn’t he use it to offset the remaining of our reno cost?
I told him I felt very upset that he kept this from me and he had a sheepish look. It felt like he had no intention to use the $50k for our house which was his father’s intention when he gave my husband this amount, while on the other hand when we received $30k for our wedding, I used this amount for our house instead of keeping it for myself.
Should I ask him to transfer $25k to me since it was meant for our house?
Edit:
He suggested putting $25k into our joint account but I still feel it’s unfair since he’s the only one using the joint account to pay for bills. Other things like paying for nanny for our baby, groceries, household and baby items are mostly paid by me out of my own account (which I previously did not mind because I earn more than him but now that this has happened, I’m pissed and thinking if we should just split all expenses equally next time).
Netizens’ comments
- I would consider it a pretty major violation of trust. The money was meant as a marriage gift and not a personal gift from father to son, and he tried hiding it from the marriage. I would be more forgiving based on how willingly he now splits what’s left with you, how much is left, and if a lot has been spent; what it was spent on. If he has been spending it on shared needs like bills and groceries that’s one thing, if he has been using it as a party/hobby fund that would be pretty bad to me.
- Wow I would feel incredibly deceived if my partner did this.
I think beyond asking him to transfer you the money, you two need to chat about finances. Because while you put all the money from your family towards the home and saw that money as yours as a couple, he saw that 50k from his father as his own. Moreover, he hid that from you and didn’t seem to have any intention of being transparent about receiving 50k because he likely knew it was wrong to hide that from you, and it was wrong to keep it for himself.
There isn’t necessarily a “right” way to approach finances in a relationship or marriage, but it’s vital both people are on the same page. Because to me the bigger issue is that he doesn’t think of this money as “yours”, he sees it as “his”. And if this is the case, it’s a mindset that is very likely to lead to bigger and ongoing issues in the future.