I’ve been with my wife for more than half our lives (“school sweet hearts”), and although I know this is a cliche phrase thrown around here, we have a pretty great relationship. When we have arguments, we can communicate through them effectively, when we have issues with our relationship, one can voice it and the other will do their best to make adjustments accordingly.
I’ve always felt like I “married up” in terms of attractiveness, and if I do have a type, my wife is definitely it. I say this to help illustrate that I touch my wife a lot. Whether it’s hugging, playful butt slaps, kissing, shoulder rubs, etc I am definitely a “touchy” person — I would imagine my wife, were she being honest, would say a bit too much. In addition to the touching, I definitely tell her about how I find her attractive (that shirt looks good, you look good in hats, your butt looks great in those pants, etc)
But it’s not really reciprocated, despite repeated sustained attempts at communicating this. The touching might get better for a day or two, though the compliments thing never really materializes. When I do mention it, I know it’s just not something that’s on her mind a lot or some days (2 kids, 3 and 6) the kids have her touched-out. I don’t think the latter fully explains it, though I know it’s a common issue with couples with children — this was still a “thing” before we had kids.
I know communication still helps a bit here — but it’s disheartening because asking for it (“it” being more touching/showing affection/compliments) and then having a brief spike followed by decline sort of reinforces this view that my wife just doesn’t find me that attractive. It’s something I enjoy doing, and definitely don’t need a reminder, and so the very act of reminding just feels.. degrading, if that makes sense?
I know this post comes across as selfish , but it’s already long so I won’t spend too much time defending that.. but I am just hoping for any advice/strategies/different ways of looking at the situation that any of y’all might have. Thanks in advance!