My husband (42M) wants to be a SAHD. I (38F) now want a divorce.
I 38F have been married to husband 42M for 8 years. We have two kids. We are a dual income household and need to be because our expenses are going up due to inflation, although I outearn my husband by quite a bit. I’m the primary parent and household manager as well.
Husband is a good person and a great parent but he has a lot of issues with keeping stable employment. He says it’s “unlucky” but he has had a hard time keeping a job over the last 8 years and it’s never, ever his fault. He blames the economy, his supervisors, and various other things. It frustrates me constantly but we get by because I have an advanced degree and a decent-paying long term job.
Last Friday, I came home from a very long day of work and then shuttling our older kids around and he told me he had a surprise for me. The surprise was takeout and the news that he quit his job (without telling me first) and he’s going to be a stay at home dad when the twins get here.
I was/am livid and gave him 10 minutes to explain why he thought it was remotely appropriate to do this and what TF he was thinking. He said that he’s “not cut out to work” and that this decision saves us a boatload of money on daycare. He genuinely thought I’d be pleased.
When I asked him what we were supposed to do for my upcoming unpaid maternity leave if he isn’t working, he suggested I negotiate working remotely for a while so I could “have a break” and he would watch the babies.
I lost it and told him if he wanted to quit his job and quit making decisions as a partnership, then I quit this relationship. I spent the weekend crying it out alone.
When I got home, he had my SIL and MIL there to hold an “intervention” and explain why it’s cruel of me to place a monetary sum on his value in our relationship and that kids should be raised by parents not daycare. They also heavily implied that hormones are to blame for my being so upset and that I’m being a bad feminist for wanting to “force” my husband to “provide in a traditional role.”
I told him to wait for notice from my lawyer and locked myself in my office.
Maybe I am being hormonal and emotional. They aren’t wrong that my husband would probably be a great SAHD. And it is possible that we could maybe make it work with him only working part time. But this whole thing feels so manipulative and disrespectful that I can’t get behind it.
What do I do next? I’m so lost.