My husband (42M) told me (36F) he wasn’t ever attracted to me but married me because he would have “felt bad ending it”.
We’ve been together for 6 years and married for 4 years (no kids). For context, I’d be described as conventionally attractive and I take care of myself. I’m fit, athletic, well-educated and have a fun personality.
I think it’s important to mention that since there’s no glaring issue for him to feel this way. My husband is successful, charming and the type of person who gets along with everyone.
Shortly after we married, we relocated for his work. I supported this and gave up a job I liked (and essentially my career), my friends. Now I am trying to build my own business and have very little of a support system. I’m too embarrassed to tell my friends about this whole situation.
Where it gets interesting. On multiple occasions, he’s apologized for our lack of romantic life (there isn’t one to speak of and rarely has been since we’ve been together).
He’s told me it’s not normal for him and it was different with other women in the past. He’s used to being with “really beautiful women”.
He’s also said recently that he was never attracted to me in that way but didn’t want to break up with me when we first started dating. (wtf!) I told him he should have ended it then because now I live a lie and gave up everything to support him.
He also suggested multiple times we have an open relationship if I wanted to meet other men and he would even “pay” for a male escort (WTF???).
He used an old iPhone of mine a few years ago and never logged out of his icloud. I see that he still screenshots pics of his ex from IG.
He also believes that no one is really happy in their marriage and that romantic love is not something that lasts long-term…
I don’t know what to do. I had to give up my job to support his career but I never thought it would come to this. I can’t support myself with my new job yet and I don’t come from a wealthy family. He’s very successful financially.
My family and friends love him and think he’s the perfect guy. From the outside, we’re the perfect couple. But the reality is a disaster that I battle every day. My self-esteem and confidence have taken a nosedive. I could just ignore everything and live a comfortable life, but I would be living a lie.
He thinks we should stay together because “we get along in every other way”. I know no relationship is perfect, but this is so far beyond normal that I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’ve suggested therapy, but he says “that doesn’t work.” He wants to stay together and basically stay partners.
So…anyone been through this or have advice?