my husband (38M) wanted a family, but now when I am pregnant (28F) I think he regrets it. What should I do?
Posting the same post for a second time because it got removed…
I am coming here for some advice because I don’t know what to do anymore.
So here we go with the story…
I (28) and my husband (38) are together since 2015 and married since 2020. Shortly after we started dating in 2015 we were basically just having fun, living totally carefree.
However, we decided that one day we would like to have a child – he already has a child from a previous relationship. In the past maybe should be a red flag for me that he doesn’t really care about his son, he says he loves him dearly and he buys him presents. When it comes to raising his son, he always was saying ”I believe his mother and her new husband can raise him right”, and that’s it. He did not care much about how he is raised.
To me, he was always saying how he loves children and can’t wait to have children with me. So in 2020, we married because I said I don’t want to be a single mother and I want a ring before I get pregnant. Now, I am 6 months pregnant with our first baby boy.
And here is where the issue is starting, my husband doesn’t have a job even though there are plenty of job offers where they are looking for someone immediately, but still, he is unemployed.
I work my butt off to make money for a living while I am having problems with hormones, I feel how it’s affecting me and the baby. Also, I am the one who is taking care of household chores – I do all cleaning and cooking, and sometimes I am so tired that I need to decide if after work I want to shower or eat because I am so exhausted that I can’t do both.
I thought we are on the same page, and we are sacrificing our carefree lives so our son can have happy childhood where all his needs are met, where he can be raised in a nice loving environment, where he can receive a good education, etc.
I said to my husband many times, once our child is grown and living on his own, we always can just pack our things and move. But he hates everything. Also, he started to smoke. We barely can afford food and stuff for the baby/nursery.
Last weekend I had a mental breakdown in front of my father and I finally told him everything that’s going on in my relationship with my husband – how I feel stressed out by lack of responsibility from his side, how I don’t know how to handle his negative emotions, how he is unwilling to find a job, how I am tired of paying for him while I am struggling to buy groceries and things for the baby (crib, stroller, clothes, bottles, there are just so many necessities that I need to buy before the baby is born).
Thank god for my father, who assured me that I should not worry about money because he will buy all things I need, I should just take care of myself and my baby.
But this is not solving the situation with my husband, even though I am much less stressed out, I still don’t know how to help my husband with his negative emotions. How I can make him feel better? Why he is not happy about the baby? Why he is not glad to sacrifice a few years of his life for a child he ”wanted so much”? Isn’t it something that parents should do? I really thought we are on the same page… apparently, we aren’t.
Of course, I thought about divorce, but I don’t want to rush such an extreme decision, first I would like to try to help my husband. But how? What I can do if he is full of negative emotions and he hates everything? When I ask him if he hates also me and the baby, he says no, that he loves us and we are the only joy in his life. But I can see in his eyes how unhappy he is. I really don’t know how to change this situation…