My husband is in a physically demanding job. He is a postman. It is, well, by right, a 7-5pm 5 day work week job but due to the low wage yet physically demanding, shitty management, not many people opt to work hence he has to OT 2-3 hours everyday.
I have a mentally and sometimes physically demanding job. I work office hours, 5.5 days a week and studying part time 3 days a week for my bachelor’s.
We have a 4 year old together. I takes care of her most of the time. She doesn’t get to see her dad, my husband, often as he leaves for work at 6am and always comes home after 7pm. Only during good days, he will come home at 6pm. Housework is taken care of by my husband. I do help out when needed, like vacuuming the house everyday after coming home from work, clearing the cat litters. Showering and feeding our kid is under my care. Only sometimes our LO will request for her dad and he will grumpily do it. He states that he is exhausted and having migraines and I kept nitpicking on him. My husband hates doing the dishes but he is the one using most of the tableware and he will just leave it in the sink. He doesn’t even offer to do them until I called him up on it. He can cook and leave the pan onto the stovetop, let me know that he wants to lie down and he fell asleep till the next morning for work. I should also mention that he hates me studying as he has to handle everything. I told him he agreed for me to study when we were discussing about it. He said yes but he is still unhappy about it. He can’t help feeling annoyed or upset every time I have to leave for school.
So now, me and our LO will only able to interact with him in the evening, and our LO will keep coming up to me while I am trying to clean up or something saying “Daddy tired. Daddy don’t want play. I want mummy” and I can’t do anything after. I scolded my husband telling him to play with our LO and she misses him. He hasn’t seen her the whole day and when he does, he can’t handle her bundle of joy.
Now my husband is telling me he is upset because I kept telling him off when he has a shit week at work and he wants my support buy where is mine?? I wanted to hire a part time helper for the weekends, he didn’t want me to. He, as the owner has to take care of his own house but bro, you are struggling. I can’t help out much as I hate housework (basic cleaning can lah. deep scrubbing all pfftt..nah) so I am trying to help by paying someone professional! My idea got shut down. Even when I am studying or having zoom meetings, LO will barge in the room and husband will just say “she wants you” and left her to be with me.
I kept insisting he needs a job change if he can’t handle it or we need to employ some help. You go out and don’t come home until the cleaner leaves but noooooo…..
Now I am just being whatever lah. I will pick up on the household workload. No point telling him anything right? Cause ai am in the wrong here. His feelings are the only one valid here. I can’t be emotional. ????????