Seriously, I need to get this off my chest because I feel like I’m losing my mind. I just went through a divorce. A divorce. It’s easily one of the lowest, most soul-crushing points of my life. I’m sad, I’m drained, and I just needed a drink and a listening ear. So, naturally, I called a guy I’ve known for over a decade. This isn’t some casual acquaintance; we’re talking ten-plus years of history.
And what does this absolute “brother” say to me? “Don’t want la, later you come all the attention go to you not to me.”
I’m sorry, what?
Imagine your friend is drowning and asks for a life vest, and your response is, “Nah, if I give you that, people might look at you instead of my cool swimsuit.” It is genuinely some of the most “f-ed” up logic I have ever encountered. I am literally grieving the end of a marriage, and this guy’s biggest fear is that I might be too “popular” at the bar or that girls might talk to me instead of him. Since when did a support session turn into a competition for “likes” in real life?
What makes it even more “WTF” is the double standard. Every single time he has a breakup, or his business is in deep shit, or he’s having a crisis, who is the first one there? Me. I show up, I listen, I support. But the moment I need a millionth of that energy back, he’s making a million excuses or straight-up shooing me away because he’s scared I’ll “take the attention” from him.
He even had the audacity to admit it to my face: “You can talk and get all the girl’s attention, I don’t want you to go.” How insecure do you have to be to tell a grieving friend that his personality is a “threat” to your night out?
Then, out of nowhere, he tries to “jio” me for a beer recently. I showed up and Why? Oh, because his business is failing and now he suddenly needs a “friend” again. He only wants me around when I’m a tool for his benefit or when he’s feeling left out. If I’m doing “too well” socially, he’s ghost. If I’m at my lowest, I’m a “distraction.”
Basic respect? Zero. Empathy? Non-existent. It’s always ai mai, ai mai (take it or leave it) with his attitude. To think I wasted a decade on this friendship. If you can’t set aside your ego for one night to help a brother through a divorce, you aren’t a friend—you’re just a fan of yourself.
TL;DR: Don’t waste your time on friends who treat your trauma like a threat to their “clout.” Some people only want you around when they’re the ones being served. I’m done.