My boyfriend and I have been together for around two years. I’m nineteen and he’s twenty-one. My S drive is almost nothing, it always has been. I think he views it as this problem that I have that he can magically fix with S.
I tried to have S as and when I can, but most of the time either my mental or physical health gets in the way.
For example, I have severe anxiety and depression. I will sometimes lie in bed all day and just sob. He will comfort me and cuddle with me. But the cuddling always turns into him getting horny and wanting S. He gets very very pushy with it and I often feel like I can’t say no. But when I do say no, he gets all disappointed and goes off to sulk downstairs.
I would understand his point of view if our S life was slim. But it’s not. We will sometimes have S upwards of three times a day (the exact reason why I’m knocked up at the moment). But as soon as I say no or that I need a break, he acts like he hasn’t had S in months.
He also has this problem of continuing to beg me for S even when we run out of rubber. This has resulted in me getting pregnant. I know what you’re thinking. “Why don’t you just put up a boundary to not have S without protection?” Listen, I’ve tried. But he’s so black and white about physical affection that if I say no to S, it means that I get ZERO physical love of any kind. I love to hug, kiss, cuddle, and do all of the other lovey-dovey physical things with him. But if I withdraw from S, it means I withdraw from all of the affection that I crave with him.
So I often just tell myself to get it over with. Because I know that when I say no, he’ll be back in a few hours to ask again.
And now, I’m pregnant at 19! I’m of course not going to keep it and he’s on board with that too. I never realized out painful pregnancy can be. My breasts are crazy sensitive, I’m cramping worse than I ever have before, and my S drive is officially at zero percent.
I’ve expressed to him the pain that I’m in and how traumatic this experience has been for me and he’s done his best to be there for me and to comfort me. But he hasn’t stopped asking for S, it’s increased tenfold. I don’t understand how a man’s sense of basic human decency can be clouded by an unmoving need for S.
I feel so unloved because of his high S drive. I hate that he will actively not see/ignore my well-being because he needs to F me constantly is driving me into a pit of anxiety and depression. I’m not even sure what to do. I don’t want to leave him because I love him a lot. I don’t know where I’d be without him. I just wish he would listen to me for once when I say no.