I (24F) met my husband (23M) met when we were 15 and 16 in secondary school. We found out I was pregnant shortly after we started dating and I gave birth to our son at 17. Since then our relationship was on a fast track and we got married at 21 after finishing school.
We wanted to bought a flat last year and my in-laws have not been super supportive of our decisions. They made constant jokes about selling their house to move in with us and bringing my husband’s 2 siblings(both adults) with them since they lived with them full time.
But it all changed when they tried to push us to buy a bigger and more expensive house (five-room) then we wanted so that we had room for the family to come to visit and stay. My MIL kept showing husband houses she liked and when he told her we were looking for something different she told him we had to “compromise for the family”.
They finally lost it on us when we told them we put an offer to a flat that is at the West side (They stayed at the East) (which was in an area we planned to move to all along we just never told them) and they didn’t handle that well. Telling me I’m taking their son and grandchild away from them. The offer went through and we moved in as soon as possible but had to deal with in-laws constantly coming to visit uninvited.
My MIL and SIL were showing up every weekend for months without calling in advance. Husband and I both tried to explain that we are constantly having to cancel weekend plans for their visits and canceling other friends and family visits because of them but they do not care. Making my home their second home, not listening to our rules, and constantly undermining me in my own home. Finally we told them if they didn’t call and ask in advance they would be turned away at the door and they stopped showing up.
2 weeks ago husband got a call from FIL saying that his job had laid him off and he would be short on expenses this month. That’s when MIL took the phone and suggested this be the perfect time for them to come move closer to us. They were already looking to sell their home and they could all come stay with us until FIL found a new job.
We told them our home couldn’t accommodate 4 more people nor could we financially support them. FIL insisted it wouldn’t be for long but he is very frugal and does not like to spend money unnecessarily and I feel like this is just an excuse to cut back on living expenses for them. I also want my son to have room to grow and have room for a second child sometime in the next year or so.
My husband is in the middle and understands why I don’t want them moving in but at the same time thinks we shouldn’t turn our backs on his family. I am torn because I think I have solid arguments for why they shouldn’t but it’s my husband’s house too and I don’t want to upset him.
How to settle?