An anonymous internet “celebrity” has shared how her life has been ruined by her internet fame.
Here is the story:
I’m writing this on an anonymous account and this will be the only post on this account since i’m probably not gonna reply to comments, i just want to read them. i am a famous internet personality with millions of followers. i think that internet fame has completely destroyed and degraded every aspect of my life.
i’m pretty sure i’ve started to hate people now. back in school when i actually had real friends i felt happy to be around people. i felt like i had genuine connections with people and they cared about me unconditionally. but now the only ‘friends’ i have are ones that are working in the same field as me. but i see them as more like co-workers than friends.
The worst part is no matter what happens or how i feel about them, i’m forced to be friendly with them. because otherwise fans will assume drama and i don’t want that pressure on the other person. people think that every time someone famous does something there’s an ulterior motive so i have to be conscious of every decision i make making sure that it won’t lead to any unnecessary drama, or damaging to my image.
I feel like i’m not free to make any decisions as a result. it’s become extremely stressful having basic social interactions with people because of this. i haven’t had any luck meeting interesting people who have no idea who i am so making new friends, people i actually want to connect with has been impossible for me.
i genuinely hate talking with other people. i’m so used to thousands of messages from complete strangers judging me or inquiring about my personal life daily that i think it diluted my cognitive capability of basic human interaction.
I genuinely don’t believe human beings are genetically designed to be talking to thousands of strangers every day, in the form of text no-less. what i’m doing is so mentally exhausting to me that it made me believe i will never find happiness, or true love, or start a family and raise children, things that everyone agrees are supposed to be the rules of life.
i’m not even passionate with what i do. it doesn’t make me happy in the slightest. i know that not every fan is some over-obsessive loser. i know that there are good people who like me, but even if i read what they have to say about me i just feel nothing. i constantly say stuff like ‘i love you guys, i wouldn’t be doing this without you’ but it’s almost funny to me now because it’s completely not true. truth is i just do it because i don’t know how to do anything else. i got incredibly lucky and i make a lot of money doing relatively low-skill work and i’m too much of a coward to just abandon it and actually learn something new.
the truth is that i’m kind of a bad person. every time i want to get into a romantic relationship with someone i always feel like they’re with me for money and fame, even when it’s not true. i tried doing some self-reflection and realized that not every person is out to get me or obsessed with internet culture or whatever. the fact that i assume they are is just my own insecurity.
I understand and acknowledge that the problem is me, but that in-turn made me hate myself way more. how am i supposed to be a role model for literally millions of people when i’m this much of a shitty person? i wouldn’t wish for anyone to be anywhere near like me and when i read comments from people saying how i inspire them it honestly makes me sick. i understand that the scale of my problems might not be that sympathetic with a lot of you. i mean, i’m wealthy and the position i have is desirable to most people. i understand that. but i’m not looking for sympathy anyway.
I don’t know what to do. i know that as time goes by i’ll become irrelevant and people won’t care about me anymore, which might seem good, but considering how i literally don’t know what else to do with my life it’s actually terrifying rather than relieving.