Throwaway account because Singapore is small and people love to CSI.
I need to get this off my chest because I feel like I’m losing my mind, and my friends will just think I’m humblebragging. I’ve always been that guy—above-average performer in school, went to a good uni, climbed the corporate ladder fast. I’m not trying to flex, but right now, my total comp is hitting almost $300k a year. By SG standards, I should be relaxing, right?
But the truth is, I am absolutely paralyzed by fear every single day.
It’s that classic Singaporean mindset. We grow up in this hyper-competitive pressure cooker where you are constantly reminded that you are replaceable. Since young, teachers and parents drill into you: “If you don’t study hard, you become a road sweeper.” Once you start working, it becomes: “The economy is bad, MNCs are retrenching, cheaper talent is coming in.”
Because of this, I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like the moment I start enjoying my money, the universe will punish me. What if I get laid off tomorrow? What if the market crashes? What if I get some terminal illness?
So, I live like an absolute peasant. I still eat at normal coffee shops, look for the green discount stickers at NTUC, and take MRT everywhere. My bank account is growing, but my lifestyle is stuck in my university days.
Recently, I’ve been wanting to make a big purchase. It’s a major upgrade that I can easily afford with cash. But every time I’m about to click “proceed to payment,” this intense wave of anxiety hits me. My heart literally starts thumping. A voice in my head just screams, “Don’t do it. You’re being complacent. Save the money, you’ll need it when everything falls apart.”
I am completely blocking myself from enjoying the fruits of my labor because of this deeply ingrained, toxic kiasu fear. It’s exhausting to perform at a high level just to live in constant survival mode. Anyone else making good money but completely unable to escape the Singaporean trauma of scarcity? How do you force yourself to actually spend?