My (25F) husband (27M) is angry because I’m pregnant with twins, and he only wanted one kid.
So for some background, my husband (27M) and I (25F) have been together for five years (married for 2 years).
My husband grew up in a very strict and “traditional” family. His parents were very religious, and they had 8 children. My husband is the second born child, but he has an older brother, who is severely disabled. So growing up, his parents forced him to basically raise and watch over all of his siblings.
Growing up, my husband had no childhood. From the moment he was able to do things independently, his parents forced him to grow up too fast. Directly after school, he was forced to feed, bathe/change, and take care of his older brother.
And on top of that he was expected to take care of all six of his younger siblings. His parents were very neglectful. His mom was only attentive to her children when they were babies, but once they started walking and becoming their own person, she kind of stopped being a mother.
It’s also important to note that his parents had a very unhappy relationship, but they refused to get divorced, so my husband grew up in a very toxic household.
Before my husband and I started dating, we talked a lot about our ideal futures. I told him that I wanted kids, maybe after being married for a couple years.
He told me that he wasn’t sure if he wanted kids or not, because he was afraid to end up treating them like his father treated him. And as much as he’d love to have his own kids, it would destroy him if he became another version of his father.
I was already in therapy at the time, so I suggested he look into therapy as well. Shortly after we started dating, he began seeing a therapist. He has really come a long way especially learning to love himself, and I’m proud of him.
After almost two years in therapy, he told me that he changed his mind about kids. He explained that therapy helped him realize that he was just afraid of becoming his father, and he’s actively learning to unlearn toxic behaviors that he grew up with. He also explained that he was open to the idea of kids in the future and wanted to be the father he never had.
Well we’ve been married for two years, and both have stable jobs. So earlier this year, I brought up kids and how I wanted to start trying for a baby. He admitted that he was a little scared, but he was ready to be a dad.
We had multiple long conversations about the type of parents that we wanted to be, our parenting style and what we deemed as unacceptable behaviors for parents. And my husband mentioned that he only wants to have one kid. He was pretty clear about how he didn’t want his kids to repeat his childhood, where the older child has to take care of the younger one.
We found out that I was pregnant about three weeks ago, and I had my first ultrasound yesterday. I’m almost nine weeks pregnant. The ultrasound confirmed that I’m carrying twins. My husband couldn’t come to the appointment with me because he had to work. But I surprised him as soon as he got home.
I was expecting him to be happy, and even nervous/scared. But he was really mad. He started freaking out, and kept asking me if I was joking. Then he just straight up asked me to terminate my pregnancy.
I just stared at him because I was shocked. I told him that I wasn’t going to abort the babies that we planned. Then he got really mad and said that he only wanted one baby. He told me to either abort both or at least abort one of our twins and keep the other.
That’s honestly ridiculous. I don’t know if that’s even possible, but I refused. We got into a really intense argument. He has never yelled at me until yesterday. He just kept yelling about how he only agreed to one baby and how I’m being selfish.
He left the house last night. I’ve tried to call him, but he won’t answer his phone. I don’t know where he is. Twins don’t run in my family, and they don’t run in his family either.
It just happened, and I have no way of controlling that. I don’t understand why he’s behaving like this. He was so happy about becoming a dad, and now he’s asking me to get rid of our babies.