Refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding after he banned our elderly grandma from attending.
I’m in a complicated situation, and I need some outside perspectives. So, my younger brother (28M) is getting married next month.
Our parents passed away when we were kids, and I’ve been in a sort of paternal role since then. I’m financially stable, so I offered to pay for his entire wedding as my wedding gift to him.
However, yesterday, my brother informed me that he and his fiancée have decided not to invite our 90-year-old grandma to the wedding.
Their reasoning? She’s old and uses a wheelchair, and they feel her “presence might slow down the event” and “the venue isn’t entirely wheelchair-friendly.”
Our grandma raised us after our parents died, and she’s the most loving and selfless human I know.
I was livid when I heard this. I told him if grandma isn’t invited, then my offer to pay for the wedding is off the table. He’s calling me manipulative and saying I’m ruining his big day.
- You’re not even obliged to pay for their wedding in the first place. It’s their wedding.
- they can be ageist and ableist on their own money.
- I don’t have strong enough words to describe how despicable I find the sort of person who would exclude his grandmother from his wedding because “she’s old and uses a wheelchair, and would slow things down”.
- The person who pays picks the guests. The rule is as old as weddings.
- If you’re paying for it, then you can tell them that not only does she get invited, she gets an apology for being late and a seat at the bridal table. If they don’t like it, find some other financier. What a couple of ungrateful c-ts
- Aside from the obvious moral reasons, traditionally the person paying for the wedding had input or ownership of the guest list.