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Monday, April 21, 2025
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MAN CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT, WIFE KEEPS “TAKING OVER” THE WHOLE BED

A netizen shared how he can’t sleep at night because his wife keeps taking over the whole bed, and as a result, sometimes he goes to work without sleeping at all.

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Here is the story:

I love this woman more than life itself. She is the most selfless, supportive, and loving person I have ever met. Every single day I am with her I am a better person for it. That being said:

She sleeps like a jerk.

We start all cuddled up like a Disney movie, snug as a bug in a rug. And then, when she falls asleep, we begin the nightly turf war that is our bed.

She will often start with a classic starfish maneuver, spreading her arms and legs to establish a beach head to begin her insurgence.

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She will then begin to slowly rotate her body in a counter clockwise fashion, until she is sleeping diagonally across the bed, establishing an ingress with her feet and legs.

Then, with a classic pincer executed as ruthlessly as Hannibal himself, she brings her upper body forward, pinning me in and leaving me exactly 2 finger spaces for my insomniac self to try and sleep on.

I then try to slowly slide out of bed, and sleep on her side, to which her reaction is to do the same thing 5 minutes later.

I have tried everything. We bought a king sized for our tiny bedroom. I establish a green zone with pillows. I have even gently picked her up and slid her to her side, to no avail.

The thing is, I can’t sleep in an empty bed anymore because I love this dummy so much. It has literally kept me up nights that I end up going to work with no sleep, and I can only sleep the next night out of sheer exhaustion.

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She also works hard, so I can’t wake her up but I am so tired.

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