I kicked my wife out today… found she had cheated on me yet again and when I confronted her about it all she could say was “please not today I just want to have a good Christmas”…
I feel like a monster for kicking her out not just because of this shitty holiday but because through every time she has cheated I have loved and forgiven her.
I STILL love her… after pressing the issue about her hiding something on her phone she held her phone like a prize and taunted me saying “you want to see it so bad? You’ll only hurt yourself by looking” and she had this stupid smug smirk on her face like if she had won a battle I didn’t even know was happening…
I went to grab the phone and she bit me in the face so on instinct I pushed her away, I know I hurt her and that makes me sick. I didn’t mean to it was just a reaction…
I finally got the phone and before I even looked at it she was packing and pulling her things out of the house….
I. Feel. So. Empty… this marks time number six of her cheating, we’ve been married coming up on four years in January.. I HATE her, I hate that she’s doing this, I hate that she can’t just love me, I hate she doesn’t care and walked out so easily, I absolutely hate that I still love her..
my brain is screaming at me because I keep listening to my heart I want her back! My heart is screaming that it needs her and my brain is fighting saying we don’t.. how does one over come this inner battle? Did I do the right thing? What have I done? I..I just don’t want to be here anymore..
Merry Christmas to me, gotta write a letter to Santa though because all of this definitely was NOT on my list.