When we were younger, perhaps in our teens age, we often fell in love with nontangible substances and often by impulse. It could be lust or physical attribute but rarely anything material since we have yet to experience adulthood and realise the importance/impact of financial literacy/ stability.
As we get older, maybe when we get into our first higher education or begin our first part time/full-time job, we pay more notice to tangible items and maybe get hooked up to the idea that our romantic partner has to acquire/ achieve a certain level of financial status & physical attributes to match our checklist of what our future potential spouse should be.
But wealth can vanish overnight, and physical attributes dissipate over time. And when this superficial stuff is gone, which is what you value at the start of the relationship, then will you still choose to be with that person? Or would you stick to it but regret it every day in your life? Or would you walk out of it?
That aside, if we throw all these ideas away and imagine if we are stranded on an island where only survival matters and none of these tangible stuff matters, then what would you value? Would it still be the physical attributes of an individual, how much their bank carries, or what other layers beneath the surface of all these superficial stuff will you look at?
Many people say a romantic relationship and marriage are two very different things. In a relationship, people may value surface stuff usually based on first impressions that is the tangible items mentioned above. In a marriage, beyond the tangible stuff, they look into the compatibility of lifestyle, not two individuals but two families, as we are shaped by our environment/ upbringing of our family.
Then 10/20 years down the road of a marriage, the idea of the very initial phase of butterflies in the stomach becomes so strange and unfamiliar to us that we forget how that even felt like. Many old couples said such a relationship is mundane and boring, similar to how you start your day by reading a newspaper, sipping your coffee and carrying on your day with your work. There is no excitement. But some say it makes them very fulfilled, while some lament why they even chose to start this journey.
So my question to you is: what do you value in a relationship? What do you want from a relationship? Why do you want a relationship? And what do you think is the key element to a healthy, happy and longevity relationship?