How do I deal with a husband who lives in his own world?
I married my husband in 2018, and everything was good at the beginning until he decided to run an F&B business in 2020.
He has no idea about the amount of salt and sugar needed for cooking, but he made the decision to open the business with his friend (from decision to grand opening in less than 6 months). Unfortunately, his friend is also not a cook. Because he couldn’t see him fail, I decided to help him, and that’s when all the nightmares started.
He is not a detailed person, so I’m forced to take care of the ordering part with suppliers and train the staff with daily operations. My job doesn’t end there; after finishing at the outlet, I still need to check on my staff cooking at the central kitchen.
He mainly deals with apps, marketing, and driving for Grab to cover monthly expenses. He mentioned that the business is just starting, so he can only pay me S$2500 a month for my work. After deducting CPF, I’m left with S$2k on hand. He never asks me to pay for the house, but as a wife, I still buy my daughter’s needs and other items.
In August, he kept bringing me and my in-laws to view houses. When I asked if he wanted to buy a new house, he said it was just for viewing.
Since he’s used to watching property videos, I trusted his word. We viewed a few condos, and he asked for my opinion. We visited one at the east coast, and the salesgirl mentioned the price would increase. After viewing, he seemed really interested, and we signed the purchase agreement at midnight.
At that time, our previous house hadn’t been sold, and the new house wouldn’t be completed until 2023. So in a rush, we sold our house and moved to a rented condo.
He is the kind of person who doesn’t listen to objections. I told him I wasn’t ready for such a big purchase, but he said I didn’t need to pay; helping him pay the maintenance fee was enough.
Then in September, he didn’t end his dreams. He decided to open another outlet at Heartland Mall, but all the responsibilities still fell on me. He mainly dealt with the renovation team, but the setup was done by me and my team.
At this point, I was already exhausted, emotionally unstable, quick to anger, and lacked patience. After setting up the new outlet, he surprised me again by getting a 2.5-month-old puppy for Christmas.
Despite expressing my lack of confidence in handling so much, he chose to ignore my words. His role in the family involves sitting down, watching TV, checking his phone, sleeping, and spending time in the toilet. There isn’t much interaction between him, my daughter, me, and the puppy.
We quarrel a lot about this, and he claims I have anger management issues. To prove him wrong, I booked a psychological counseling session. After the session, the psychologist stated that I don’t have anger management issues; I’m just overworked, lost, and insecure about his decisions.
My husband isn’t the sweet talker type. Since our marriage until now, he has only given me one Apple Watch as a gift. If I ask for more, he says he already provides me with a house, WiFi, Netflix, and the title of a lady boss.
He believes that the S$2000 salary is enough for me to spend. However, knowing his stingy character, when the outlet doesn’t need me, I still work as a part-time nurse to earn extra income.
Now I’m in a dilemma; should I ask for a divorce since my efforts are not appreciated by him, and the most important issue is I don’t know what kind of surprise he will give me in the future.