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Thursday, June 8, 2023
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MAN EARNS 3X MORE THAN GF BUT LIVING AT HER HOME WITHOUT PAYING RENT

I (31M) earn nearly 3x as much as my GF(31F), and our different approach to money is starting to cause tension. Any advice?

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I’ve been living at my girlfriend’s place for 3 years now.

She also has a daughter who lives with us.

I earn about 3x as much as her and I’m living in her apartment ‘rent-free’, so naturally she expects me to handle most of the expenses, which I’m fine with.

I pay for groceries, utilities, petrol, restaurants, about 70% of vacations, etc.

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Since I work from home, I do all of the grocery shopping and 90% of the cooking and make breakfast and lunch for her daughter nearly every day when she gets home from school and I try to make sure not to make a mess of the kitchen in the process. My girlfriend does most of the laundry and cleaning.

I work about 60 hours a week, occasionally having to work until late in the evening if there’s a deadline coming up.

My girlfriend was let go from her previous job in September, took 2 months off and started looking for a new job in November, meaning she applied for 2 jobs that month.

I didn’t pressure her about it until January when I started asking her if maybe it would be more effective to apply for more jobs at a time instead of waiting for a response from the company she had an interview with. (She did take my advice and easily found a new job by March.)

During this time I paid for everything and she used her savings to buy new pieces of furniture.

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I admit I got a little upset when she used the last of her savings to buy herself a new bag(she has dozens of bags) and a necklace(how is this a priority when you have no income).

I didn’t say anything because I didn’t see a point arguing about it after the fact.

Recently we had a fight because she thinks I don’t have any long term plans and goals(I’m just exhausted really).

I told her that I’d like to reach some level of financial stability but even though my income has doubled in the past 2 years, I’m not saving more.

She seems convinced that I’m saving a great deal of money by not having to pay rent. The reality is that I could easily save more than half my income, even if I rented a spacious apartment by myself.

I’ve tried to explain that I’m currently bankrolling the inflated lifestyle of 3 people, but she wasn’t having it.

Am I looking at this the wrong way, or is this really as unsustainable and unhealthy as I think it is?
Where do I draw the line?

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