I had a woman in my bed for the first time. She left when I said I was a virgin.
I don’t know where to start with that.
I’m 36, and as you guessed from the title, a virgin. My social skills have always been lacking, I worked on them and pushed myself to get in contact with other people, by going to social events and try out new things I wasn’t used to.
Despite that, and following more of the advice given by helpful internet strangers and friends, it never worked out. I make friends, but I’m not seen as a romantic option. Online dating hardly worked and I was given the “I don’t see you this way” in real life more times than I can count. After a while, I started to get used to staying on the sidelines. I had hobbies to keep myself occupied, I still went out to new things from time to time and stiked conversation with strangers just to have a nice talk.
It went by like this, I worked, did my thing, and so on.
Out of nowhere, this woman decided to keep the conversation going on more intimate subjects, without broaching the act itself. I haven’t gotten more attractive, friends come and go the same way and I’m still mostly in the background when I look at things from above, but somehow the conversation went better with her.
Fast forward a little and we were going to bed. I was really anxious and didn’t how it was right to do this and that, so I told her to take the lead. When she asked why I answered I didn’t have any experience. She replied that this was to heavy a pressure for her and she left just like that.
Part of me died inside. I asked friends and they said they were past being training wheels at this age.
I don’t mind people trying to be positive on the internet, but it feels toxic when I keep on hearing that it’s everyone in their own rythm and that they are no milestones. It appears there are for a lot of people.
36 years, I had exactly one person who took an intimate shine to me and she bailed because I was lagging behind.
I wish some folks at least honestly told me not everyone gets to experience love, even if it’s just a minority.
Me, I’m done. It feels like a wasted a lot of time I could have put to use to things I could have achieved. I’ll do my stuff in my own corner and that’s it.
If people here have advice on how to lower and ignore libido and how to make peace with loneliness, I’d appreciate it, because that’s what I’m looking for now.