I (39m) am engaged to Tina (32f). We work in different fields and I make about 15% more than her. When we were dating, we got along so well that we knew we’ll be spending the rest of our lives together. We talked about it often and decided early on to combine our finances when we do get married. Then we got engaged and things fell apart when I discovered the details of her finances.
I’ve always lived a frugal life. I wear ordinary clothes and drive ordinary cars. Tina has always dressed better and drove better cars. It’s been a running joke in our friend group that she’s marrying down. I’ve always laughed and didn’t mind, better she looks amazing, like she just stepped out of a magazine cover.
Now that we’re engaged, we went through our financials in detail. I don’t want to go into too much detail so I’ll be brief. The money that I don’t spend I invest. My assets and investments are roughly 20x of hers and she owes about $50,000 spread over several cards and $75,000 on her new car. If she cash out her investments and retirement, she still wouldn’t have enough to pay off her debt.
I was shocked into silence. I don’t make that much more than her so I always figured our asset levels are close. I never imagined there would be such a wide gap and that doesn’t even include her debt.
After thinking about it for weeks, I finally told Tina the other day that I want to keep our finances separate until she pays off her debt. I don’t want to say, “I do,” and immediately take on $125,000 in debt.
She argued that we always talked about joining our lives and sharing everything and now I’m having doubts. I told her I have no doubts about spending the rest of my life with her, I just don’t want to take on so much debt.