[44M][46F] I just found out I have son and my wife is losing her sh!t
Seventeen years ago I had a fling with a woman, I didn’t know she got pregnant because I went overseas where I met my current wife.
I came back with my wife and our two kids, so news spread that I was back and I got to meet with old friends and catch up, all types of things anyways.
My son and daughter are both students. so my son calls me talking about this rumor of me being this kid’s dad and blah blah.
I’m thinking no way this is true and we had the DNA test done months ago with the woman’s (my fling from years ago) son because of the drama and yeap, he’s mine.
Me and the boy have been getting along good talking and hanging out. and my son and wife are pissed about this. They feel like I cheated or something, but it happened when I wasn’t with my wife yet.
Any advice I already feel bad enough that he didn’t have a father growing up and he won’t get a brother relationship with my son. I wish I knew about him before I left, so I wouldn’t have left in the first place.
- You need to make it 1000% clear to your kid that he is not being replaced. It’s important that you speak with him and listen to him.
- I think it’s amazing you have quickly adjusted to being this young man’s dad so quick but you now have to give your wife and other kids time to adjust. Make sure you aren’t rushing relationships between them and definitely make sure to spend as much equal time with all kids and not just newly discovered.
Like most have suggested, you all need therapy and for the love of God, never tell your wife or other kids that you wouldn’t have left your home town if you had known, it makes it sound like you regret them, that they are the consolation prize.
- You can’t expect your family to just get over the shock of a new kid being in your life. They have to process that, or they may never come around. And, don’t dismiss their emotions and feelings towards this situation, because that would make you a massive a-hole.
Are you spending equal time with your kids as you are this new son? Or, are you focused on the new one, because he’s new?