I’m (30M) freaking out. I thought we had a happy marriage. We’ve been married for 6 years and dating for 10. Edit: We started dating when I was 20 and she was 23.
My wife (33F) and I have always been very open with each other. We share passwords and have never hidden anything. When we have disagreements we get through it together. We’ve never screamed or yelled at each other. We’re in couples and individual therapy, not because of anything wrong with our relationship but because we want to make sure that we’re happy. My wife always says better prevention than cure.
Yesterday, she left her laptop open and I saw she was looking up new york divorce papers and how to see if someone was cheating. There was 5 or 6 six tabs open. I pretended I didn’t see anything and but went into the bathroom and threw up. I’ve been shaking in anxiety and my wife has noticed I haven’t left her side and she’s asked me if anything was wrong.
Readers I’ve NEVER cheated and never even thought of cheating. I don’t even watch stuff. I don’t even know how she could think I would betray her like this.
If it’s the opposite and she’s cheating, I don’t even know how she would do it because even if she didn’t love me she doesn’t even have the time. I checked her phone and computer and she doesn’t have anything previously downloaded, there’s nothing fishy and nothing suggesting even an emotional affair. She’s been incredibly affectionate. She loves me and would never hurt me. So it’s me she thinks.
I have a part time bakery catering business I run from home and she works from home for literally 70-80 hour work weeks and is the breadwinner. We haven’t left each other’s side and I love it that way. Covid was actually good for us because we could spend so much time together.
My wife is the love of my life. I’m in the process of being diagnosed and looking at symptoms online I’m pretty sure she’s my Favorite Person (FP). It’s unhealthy but she’s never complained about me being clingy or overbearing. I don’t know why she would want a divorce.
I’m afraid to talk to her about it because what if she starts thinks of divorcing me and realizes that she’s so much better and deserves so much more and just leaves. I feel like like somehow talking about the d word will manifest it and ruin all the happiness I have. I wished I never saw it.
Today she joked that we’d literally melt together because I haven’t stopped holding her all morning. I’m afraid that I’ll fall asleep and she’ll disappear from my life.