I (31M) just got dumped by my 3 month GF(30F), Her reason: She has only known toxic relationships and I am too good of a person. What the F does that mean?
She had only known toxic relationships where she was the victim part, now we have a completely healthy relationship and she said she couldn’t handle it
Myself having little experience in toxic dynamics, what could she possibly be feeling?
I am not thinking on pursuing any longer but would appreciate some insight from people who have had these kind of problems so I can understand a bit better what is going on in her head. Did she get bored? afraid of commitment? or else?
- Well, it could be a goofy excuse because she just isn’t interested anymore. But it could also be that her self esteem is trash and she doesn’t think she deserves you. Or that some part of her know she will self destruct (cheat, whatever) and she sees you as too good of a person to do that to. Could be a lot of things really. Hard to say.
- It’s possible that she finds it difficult to react to you in healthy ways. When you’ve been in toxic relationships, every normal fight sparks the fight of flight response too. And you start reacting in really unhealthy and toxic ways yourself. Also, being treated well doesn’t feel safe as it’s unknown.
She needs therapy, not a relationship
- She is possibly realizing that she doesn’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. Hopefully she takes that and goes to therapy to heal herself.
- At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter because ultimately it means that she can’t/isn’t willing to put in the same amount of effort/ love that you are. So honestly it’s good that she ended it because otherwise you’d be putting a lot of time in effort into someone who won’t reciprocate it. Find someone who will.
- It means you dodged a bullet. Mourn the loss of what you thought could have been and move on. Hope you find someone who appreciates all your goodness.