Wife is pregnant with child I never wanted
We’ve been together 7 years, married for 1 and she is now 6 weeks pregnant with an accidental pregnancy. I’ve been straight with her for the entire relationship that I never wanted kids.
She always said she was ok either way but has been more into the idea of a baby since we got married.
Now shes pregnant and I’m not excited at all and would like her to terminate the pregnancy but she says thats not what she wants.
I feel like I’m losing my mind. I feel trapped and like I am being forced into a life I dont want and was very clear about it.
If she has it and I feel the same way I do now do I leave? I don’t want to be a deadbeat dad but I also don’t want to be a dad.
I have no childhood trauma from family and my family and parents were great but I’ve never felt any pull at all to raise a child and while I don’t hate kids I do find them boring and they look like a ton of work.
I have about a million other issues I could raise but mostly I don’t want to do it. Not sure what will happen, feel totally out of control of my life.
Netizens’ comments
- At this point you know you messed up, and there is nothing you can do to prevent this kid from happening.
Only your wife can,
If you don’t want to be a father, than leave and pay child support. No kid deserves a parent that don’t want them. Don’t force yourself to be around.
The only thing you can do now is to get a vasectomy like you should have had years ago to prevent yourself to look again like an idiot here when kid #2 is on the way, and you are already broke from the first kid child support. - Not to sound rude but genuinely what did you want out of posting this? There is no advice to be given nor road to be taken. Although I would suggest therapy and a lot of self reflection. Even if there is no trauma linked to not wanting kids, you’re gonna have a kid. You need to develop coping mechanisms and a support network.
- OP needs to figure out, to the best of his ability, what kind of dad he can be. Lay out the best case scenario, the worst case scenario, and the most realistic scenario. Do not sugarcoat this.
And he needs to decide what he wants to do, if this baby happens. He sets his own boundaries.
Then he needs to present these truths to his partner, again, with no sugar coating. He should not put even the slightest pressure on her to do anything, but he can and should give an honest presentation of what kind of father he can or will be.
This relationship needs some stark honesty right now. With as much kindness and gentleness as possible, but still honest.