Hey, I got into a little argument with my wife regarding my work bonus. This is my first job in my field after school. We recently had a performance review and I got a raise and bonus.
My wife feels like my bonus should be considered family money. My wife does not get monetary bonuses at her job. I also earn more and pay a higher percentage of our household expenses.
We got into it because I wanted to keep my bonus and use it on myself. My wife feels like we should use it for the family or save it.
I tried to explain that I do feel I should be free to use my work bonus as I wish. She is calling me selfish and claims I do not understand what marriage means.
I see no issue with a bonus being used solely by the person who earned it. I told her if she got a bonus I would not question what she did with it. She then replied if I got one I would use it for us as a family.
We are both 26, no kids.
Netizens’ comments
- I don’t really see the distinction between the regular salary and the bonus money. If her salary and your salary all go into the same pot, then it seems to me that the bonus should go in too. Do you expect to keep the money from the raise for yourself as well?
In my experience, earning a bonus because of performance means you probably spent more time on the job and less at home. Did your wife take on a greater share of the chores, or did she have to live with your letting things slide? - What is possibly the logic behind sharing your salary (which you earned with support of your wife) with your family and not your bonus (which you earned with support of your wife) ?
- when I get a bonus I like to treat myself in some way with part of it, but keeping it all to yourself when you’re in a committed relationship says you aren’t all that committed to that relationship
- A few years from now, when you’ve been through several years of evaluations and bonuses, you’re going to look back on this and feel foolish for thinking your bonus was incredibly special.
Bonuses are part of your company’s compensation scheme. A bonus was always going to be part of your compensation. They decreased everyone’s salary a bit to create the bonus pool. Whether it’s salary or bonus, it’s still income.