I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my butt.
I am male if it matters. I’ve always been into putting things in my butt I don’t know why, I’m not homo or anything I just like how it feels.
Well I got drunk last night and decided to play and I hadn’t gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought “why not?”
I’ve put action figures up there before because they feel different and it’s funny.
I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and started sliding him in. “To infinity and beyond!” I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he’s stuck in there and I can’t get him out.
I know I need to go to the hospital but honestly I’m scared and ashamed. I’ve managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she’s getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong.
I’m going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.